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Surfing with Saints

Surfer on a wave

Duuuuude, listen to this! I decided to go shred after having taken my wisdom tooth out, as, you know, I’m too wise, and wow man what a ride…!

Being that bit lighter, meant my turns were sharper, with extra spray and at one point man I was flying over those waves, looking down at the surf like an albatross stalking its prey. I could see a yellow light shine from my mouth downward, illuminating each lip, and guiding me on the wave. Supernatural stuff man, I’m telling you.

I never wiped out either. Each wave simply rolled out a red carpet and the sea gently grabbed me and placed me into the water. I didn’t even get my hair wet. Next-level stuff.

St Thomas Bay was heavenly, like a playground for a saint should be. There were other dudes too in robes with glowing haloes on their heads. They all held shakas up each time I levitated with my board into the sky, with shiny sparks coming off their teeth. It was glorious. I’m not suggesting you should replace your teeth with dentures to gain private access to this experience, but man, wow. I couldn’t have been any higher off whatever those things were the dentist asked me to take. He even told me to wash them down with pure booze man, what a trip! Thanks Dr. Kook, next surgery please! 


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