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I swear this happened, I promise.

Dude, you won’t believe this gnarly tale, but I swear it happened! Picture this: a sunny day at Riviera Bay, the waves were like, “Whoa, bro, ride me!” And I was like, “Yewwww, it’s on!” So, there I am, paddling out on my trusty board, which I lovingly named “Squirtle” because, you know, Pokémon and stuff.

As I’m out there, I spot it – the wave of a lifetime, the legendary “Riviera’s Revenge”! This wave was so massive, it looked like Poseidon himself had whipped it up with his mighty trident. It was like the ocean saying, “Surf me, dude, and I’ll make you the king of the sea!”

So, I paddle my heart out, but I can already hear the ocean laughing at me. It’s like, “Here come Captain Kook, trying to conquer Riviera’s Revenge!” But I didn’t care. I had dreams of being the next Kelly Slater, or at least the next SpongeBob SquarePants.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I caught the wave. I swear, I was riding it so perfectly, I could hear the dolphins applauding from below. My legs were flailing like spaghetti in a tornado, and I was yelling “Cowabunga” at the top of my lungs. I was wet, wild, and my tight rashguard made my rock hard abs pop out like the Alps. Who have I become, I thought to myself. Stab cover, here I am, snap me baby! Or hey, Bomba, that works too, I guess! I was reaching a new dimension, at one with the sea turtles at last. Kelly who?

And then, the impossible happened. I actually made it to the end of the wave without wiping out! I was stoked, man! I felt like a total legend. But here’s the bummer – there was no one around to witness my epic triumph. No cameras, no crowd, just me and Squirtle, who was probably rolling his eyes beneath me. What, wait, no instagram? Bro, if you didn’t gram it, it never happened…! duuuh!




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